Come as You Are

I grew up attending church every Sunday. Even when I was too sleepy to go, we still went. Even if we had just arrived from a vacation the night before, we still went. I recall being invited to Sunday events and ended up missing them because I needed to go to church and to put God first.

In the midst of my mental health obstacles in 2021 (I had stopped going to church for over a year), I was moved to find a new church that would help me heal. It was in Makati, and I had to ride the train to make it to the services every Sunday morning. They were welcoming, and I felt accepted and seen. At around that time, my dad started preaching in our church (the one I grew up in). He kept asking for more Sundays and opportunities to preach in hopes of convincing me to attend our church again. One Sunday, I finally did. That was the beginning of the healing process for me.

As I was healing, I searched for “more.” More of God, more community activities, more lessons, etc. This led me to attend a fellowship that had a branch close to our house. It had a consistent weekly discipleship program that provided me a sense of community and drew me closer in my walk with the Lord. The music was drastically different, but I got used to it.

Music is a huge part of my worship, and it’s something that I am very cautious to “compromise.” I grew up playing the piano and the flute for church, and I find it to be an avenue for me to worship privately as well. In the fellowship I attended, the music they used was the music my church “warned” me not to use in worship. It’s in plain language and heavily emotional. For me, worship is for God and not to serve man. Songs being as emotional as that give me the idea that it serves the singer more than the audience, the Lord.

However, as I attended more services of the youth and of the general congregation, I realized how the songs can speak to me as well. It leaves me with what I can only describe as a “closer feeling” to God. The songs speak to human nature and remind us of who we are, where we stand, sin, and God’s power and sovereignty. It cures my doubt of God’s love for me, assures me of His never-ending grace, and reminds me of His mercy. I don’t know how else to describe it to someone who has only been used to hymns.

Slowly, it made its way into my playlists and then to my daily routine. I listen to it when I want to meditate on how God is the Lord of my life. The songs that once made me uncomfortable now make me more assured of my relationship with the Lord.

Towards the end of my medical schooling, I needed to prioritize other things, so I slowly let go of the discipleship group I was part of. I was also too busy with other things to think of attending a different church apart from our home church.

When I moved in March, I knew that I needed a church home here. So, I looked for one. I did research on the nearby churches, listened to their preachings, and watched their services to make sure they sang the songs I’m used to singing: hymns.

I found a small church nearby. The pastor knew some of the pastors we are acquainted with in our church back home. He attended the same seminary as one of the pastors in Palawan who I’m personally close, as he was our youth pastor before, and he even grew up with my flute and voice teacher in Bukidnon. It was a close community, and they made me feel right at home. They sang our songs, and they had the same structure as our home church.

One thing I think I forgot to factor in when attending and looking for a new church is my husband.

My husband did not grow up in a “fundamental” church. He was not used to attending a “formal” church setting.

The new church was okay; however, it feels so much like home. Not that it’s bad; it’s just that, to no fault of their own, the church reminds me of the hurt I felt in my previous church. Everything’s just so similar. Para akong nasasakal.

John mentioned that his friend was a pastor at a nondenominational church. Our friend also mentioned it to me before when she was recommending churches I might want to attend. As I watched the services online, I saw that it was similar to the fellowship I attended back home. The music is the same, and the style of worship is the same.

This new church banked a lot on human emotion–which I’m not mad about. What sets it apart from the other church options I was given is that it’s a “Come as You Are” kind of church. They don’t look at you weird if your skirt length is an inch above your knees. They don’t whisper when you come in wearing a dress without sleeves. They don’t tell you to sit still and to sit like a proper lady when worshipping. It was a church for everyone.

In my home church, I would like to say that the theme is “God is love” because it’s a forgiving kind of church. This one, I would say, the theme would be “God is the God of all.” Like Jesus, this church welcomes those who are okay, but also those who are in need. It welcomes those who like dressing up in church, but also those who prioritize other things in worship other than just physical appearances. Although it’s a big church, it’s a church we, as a couple, find helpful in our walk with God.

What I noticed about the differences of the two churches is that, at the first one, the preaching ends when the pastor stops speaking. Here, the conversation about the preaching starts as we leave the building, and it keeps going. I see how we can potentially grow here as a couple and how we can find a community here.

I grew up in a strict but loving church, but now I choose an accepting church–one that accepts all kinds of people from different backgrounds.

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